Don’t worry, we don’t mean it

While looking into mobile internet options for a trip to Europe, I saw an ad for one of those products that’s supposed to stop dangerous mobile-phone radiation — as usual, it probably wouldn’t work even if dangerous mobile-phone radiation existed.

The company (which is in NZ), says

Cellguard® uses Frequency Infused Technology (FIT) which works to enhance the Bio energy function of the body.

With enhanced Bio energy function your body is better able to maintain an optimum state of wellbeing and significantly reduce the impact of the considered effects of mobile phone use.

which I think qualifies as “not even false”.  They also sell a product that is supposed to improve the acid/alkaline balance in your body — if you drink it, or rub on your skin or sprayed it up your  nose.

a modified liquid silica that is high in oxygen and is highly alkaline to help offset our acidic lifestyles. Alka Vita has a high pH of around 14.3 and is non corrosive ..

The ‘high in oxygen’ doesn’t sound plausible, but who knows? On the other hand, if it has a pH of 14.3 and is non-corrosive, they clearly don’t mean what chemists mean by ‘pH’.  14.3 is more alkaline than drain cleaner, and 60 times more alkaline than the NZ legal limit for dishwasher detergent.

Fortunately, the legal disclaimer page says

The information provided on this website is not intended as professional advice, but as guidelines for convenience only, upon the condition that you, by receiving or reading the material contained on this website, agree not to act in reliance upon it without first satisfying yourself by independent inquiry or advice as to the suitability, appropriateness, relevance, nature, fitness or purpose, likely side effects or long term effects, accuracy, reliability or otherwise of that material, having regard (without limitation) to your physical state, and your general fitness or medical condition.